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Deep Thoughts…………………
May 28th, 2007 by themarksyndromeproject
Created: May 7, 2007; 2:45 AM….
Posted: May 29, 2007
Yeah, it’s getting late
Yet I’m still awake
As usual, with a stick of cigarette in my mouth
While listening to my ipod, alone in my room
My head is point blank
Strange, I jst can’t think of the right words to say…
Really, I can’t visualize what kind of topic will I spill out in this article
I just let my fingers say what I feel
Hmmm… I wonder what’s my mood for the night
Well, it doesn’t matter now
I can only say that right now I can feel a large distance within myself
(Sigh)
Believe me, I’m not happy nor sad
I can’t exactly explain what I’m feeling at the moment
I guess it’s one of those "unexpected reflection moments" with my self
First of all, let me get this straight:
True, it’s nothing new. I’ve been like this before and I’ll always be, no matter what.
I don’t really care if you think I’m being stereo-typed
My friends always tell me that
But what can I do?
I was made this way
It’s just that it never bores me expressing my feelings about life
I think it’s just natural for me to be like this
Just a Thought to You (what my inner mind tells me):
† I am a frustrated lover † I got all the happiness I could wish for; I have my family and friends yet I feel so alone † am I scared to be happy
† I wish I was strong enough to love someone and to be loved † how I wish once in my life I could have someone who will care enough to show affection † Will u mend my broken heart?
† everyday I try so hard to bring a perfect smile in me but still it always ends up with a frown † deep inside I always beg "just one more tomorrow, and I would be fine"
† is it painful growing up? Feel so, but I wont lose hope; I’ll try not to die (both externally and internally) † should I stop seeing you just to avoid the naked truth?
† I am the one who just likes to observe and be observed † maybe I’m scared to love because I feel that I’m afraid to be disappointed due to my stupid expectations
† I guess cold and bitterness is still inside me † for how long will I wait more † why does it have to be the wrong girl † I shouldn’t be like this…but why
† I have been looking forward these past few days… is this a sign of expectation † each days my feelings for you grows strong and healthy, but with thorns that bleeds my heart
† Funny, I didn’t get the thing I wished for.. But still I’m glad for the blessing † (i love you too, for so long) † yesterday was over, leave it behind, ok
† can I leave all the memories open? † I can’t wait to see you again (for 2 yrs) † in 1 point in my life I feel so complicated † can I really understand the meaning of your tears † I keep tellig myself, "I won’t regret…. I WON’T REGRET!!!!!
† Why can’t I realize all of this? Or is it because I am blindfolding myself from the truth † how could love be so fuc*ed and so cruel † I really don’t mind what happens next
† I hope this would end soon…………
* All my thoughts are pretty mixed up… and messed up too. what’ya think? =p
"Why am i so afraid to lose you even though you’re not mine
I’m tired of pretending… that everything’s ok
My tears are starting to show, and my smile is slowly fading"
these are the last 3 lines that reached my heart, i excluded them I’m my thoughts above.
these lines really strucked me deep
"sakto nga eh, sabay pa sa playlist q; will u ever learn by typecast"
It’s not exactly the same meaning as the lyrics tells me
But somehow… slightly, it does.
I really wish I could put all my thoughts and emotion in a bottle
Just like this one
========================================================================================================================================================================================
A friend of mine gave this to me
Note: it’s a wishing bottle, not an EMO bottle ok?
I tell my myself “if only I could put my emotions in 1 bottle… I would put a lid on it and bury it so that it would be meaningful"
What a fantasy huh =p
for the meantime I’ve made a life changing decision; i decided to live alone for a while (in a place far away)
It’s not permanent; I just decided to give it a try
I want to feel what its like to be living in my own, paying my own expenses, etc.
I wouldn’t say i chose this as an escapade
But rather its a new start of everything
It’s like “a new improved version of me" awaits
Something like that
Damn…
I feel so cheesy and mushy already
Also, I feel so wasted with these cigarettes…
I still can’t find a way to start this
Oh well, shit happens =p
I’ll try my best expressing it a little later
‘nyt
kudos
Sorry for the late post
† -themarksyndromeproject †
Posted in marksyndrome | | |
on May 31st, 2007 at 5:28 am
gezz.. what can i say?? you really are in deep thoughts with this article huh?!? dapat title nito ’seeing my inner senses’?!!! tawa lang liligaya din tayo!!(.-_-.)
i think you’re not scared to be happy, what you are scared of is to give yourself a chance to see and be seen by others. you bury yourself with your ipod, cigarette and alcohol!you keep yourself locked with memories!! i’m not saying you should forget na pero dapat ‘let go’ mo na.. don’t keep yourself attached with memories dahil hindi ka sasaya dun!! you will just keep asking for more…
just keep this in your mind,
lumilipas din ang ‘rainy days’..
you still got a lot of time to look for a special woman… hindi ka pa naman matanda at uugod ugod diba!!hahaha
i just hope my comment made you feel good… good enough to make you smile!! o db.. tama na emote2. you still have us!! sama2 muna tayong single!!!!hehehehehe wag ka alala madami tayo hindi ka ng iisa!! just be thankful for today’s blessing pre.. and tomorrow you’ll have more!!!(.-_-.)