Recent update
- Lyrics: I Think God Can Explain
- Deep Thoughts…………………
- Lyrics: Autumn Monologue
- If Life was a Noontime Show… What would happen to all of us..?
- Themarksyndrome Year End Special
- Lyrics: Candleburn
- My Hello Moto
- Lyrics: Linger
- No Heart Warming Stories
- Lyrics: Gomennasai
Nasaan si Hesus?
October 16th, 2005 by themarksyndromeproject
Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.
Oct. 11,2005
It’s 10:30 in the evening… once again I’ve been stressed out with my work, studies, family life and love life for the past 7 days…I hate my self and I want to die… I am so depressed. Maybe I am sick, mentally sick… or am I spiritually sick?!? I don’t think so. Nobody can help me but me. And I don’t want to help myself. What the fu*k should I do? I need a lot of help, really. Someone please tell me I’m not weird… all I wish for now is to die for 3 days only… after that I want to reborn myself… make up for all the things I have done in my previous life… maybe, I could just fall to sleep for 3 straight days. What’s happening to my life right now?!? All of a sudden my life’s going into ashes… I’m beginning to lose hope… I’m beginning to see failure coming my way… all the frustrations are knocking in my mind… and arguments are beginning to flow out in the family. It seems that there’s no end to all these problems occurring to me right now… “problema dito, utang dyan, away dito, feasib dyan… tang *nang buhay to oo!”. I admit, partly, it was my fault. But hey, it’s not ALL my fault. I often tell myself,” isa lang ang hinihiling ko Lord,
sana maibalik ko lang ang oras…”.
I just realized…I’ve been absorbed with so many earthly things that I forgot to have an exclusive time with Him. How can I hear him speak if my mind and heart are too busy to think of other things? All it takes is a moment of silence and a sincere call…
"Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord, if you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart."
Am I being religious? I can’t remember since I last prayed… when was the last time I went to church? Why am I calling God right now? Now my conscience is bugging me. I’m guilty of calling him during hardships only. Like for example, this is a classic scenario (this moment). I am calling Him right now… and 2 of his angels to guide me in the right path. For the first time, I’m beginning to give up. I’m begging my faith tonight.
I don’t know if I’m still making sense… I wish. Whew, I can’t believe I’m still breathing…ughh, what’s happening to me today?!? Nothing’s going right, I wasn’t able to say goodbye formally to my crush today at school, I can’t figure out how to finish my feasibility study, I had quarrels with my sis, and I don’t know how will I clear all my debts… naman naman!
Is there any way to stop this?!?
I really hope so….
-themarksyndromeproject
Posted in Weblogs | | | 0 Comments
The Isla Challenge Experience (Part 3)
October 14th, 2005 by themarksyndromeproject
Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.
ISLA CHALLENGE MODE
LYCEUM TO
ISLAND COVE
SEPTEMBER 25, 2005
DAY3
WEATHER: EXTREMELY HOT
7:30 A.M
· I’m still feeling wasted (physically and emotionally) by that time. Thanks to Totski and Aris for waking me up. Damn, I never notice the time since Day1, and wow, as I went out from the hotel, the sun shines beautifully. I stared straight into the sun, and said,”Tang*na dapat nakisama ka sa event ko kahapon… pero buti na rin na hindi mo kami sinipot… baka kasi mas tinamad siguro ang lahat sa games dahil sa init mo”. All I did was cursing the sun, and thanking him at the same time… freaky, isn’t it?!? Well, I could be a pinoy big brother contender you know… so upon waking up we went immediately to Kawit (Pavilion) to have breakfast. During breakfast, we had some chit chats with mam danday about the Isla Challenge events…blah blah blah… hehehe nothing much to talk about because I was still under the influence of alcohol during that time… I can’t imagine that all my answers during our conversations were all instant, meaning anything that pops out from my mind, I speak out. “yun”
8:30 A.M.
· Ok, after eating breakfast I became a bubble and just disappeared… yep, I went back immediately to my room to fix myself (I have to get rid of all the evidences from our drinking session), and to take a bath. After that is work, work, and work!!! I went to Nerilette to borrow her volleyball (for the all star volleyball game between the organizers and the participants) and to check all the things that we borrowed from Island Cove (that includes the 3 clipboards). After getting the volleyball, I rushed to
oceania (game site) to deliver the ball. I was surprised that when I came there, they were playing already (it means that… “may bola na pala, pinagdala pa nila ako amp!”)… so before heading to my work (to Kawit) I asked Appaulle a big favor… to watch over Nerilette’s volleyball for me (because I had to go for work). She accepted my favor and ok…. I went to Kawit to check if everything’s doing ok …
11:30 A.M
· @ Kawit we had some chit chats with Mr. Gaylord. I was thanking him for all the help he gave me, and discussing my evaluation about their performance. I was also giving them comments and suggestions about how to improve their service even better. Blah blah blah… ok! Here I am again, having no idea what time it is… I didn’t notice it’s almost time for lunch, and I think I’m not the only one who’s experiencing it, so I went back to
Oceania to inform them our schedule. I was shocked that (it’s 11:45A.M.), and everyone is still swimming… even the organizers!!! Wow, talked about being punctual… so what I did was… shout at everyone and tell them, “oi!!! Anong petsa na?!? magttwelve na! call time na natin!!! Ahon na lahat, tapos deretso na kayo sa Kawit for lunch!!!”… ok
· Ok… after 45 minutes of waiting… lunch is served. During lunch, we distributed some evaluation sheets for the participants… to know if what they think of our event. Ok, as I collected their responses, I browsed their answers (just a bit) and read their comment
1 significant comment:
“…some organizers are nice and approachable especially Kristine and Mark…”
· “ang sarap ng feeling ko pagkabasa ko ng comment nya” I feel that all the endeavors and hardships were all paid off, all thanks to this comment.
1:30 P.M.
· Ok, let’s head to the bus… it’s time for us to leave the site (or we’ll be charge for the overstay). Before entering our bus I checked if everything was cleared (meaning no leftovers, no damages and no missing items)but, I guess you can’t have all the luck in the world (yep, 1 thing was missing… and that’s Nerilette’s volleyball). I kept thinking to myself,”God must hate me so much…”
3:00 P.M.
· At exactly 15:15 (3:15P.M), It has officially ended (the Isla Challenge is finally over). My body was slowly beginning to feel the fatigue, and my mind was telling me, “haay… talaga bang tapos na?!? Lord, ano na magyayari pag tapos nito…?” thinking and thinking over and over… what would happen after this? Will it be still the same? I could say I became absent minded during that time until Totski called me. “hoy, uwi na tayo!” and poof! All my thoughts disappeared.
· Last 3 words: Enjoy, Escape, Exit.
Thanks for supporting our event
Til then
(“,)
- themarksyndromeproject and the H474 event mgt. team
Posted in marksyndrome | | | 0 Comments
Lyrics: Stare at the Sun
October 10th, 2005 by themarksyndromeproject
i sit here clutching useless lists
and keys for doors that don’t exist
i crack my teeth on pearls
i tear into the history
just show me what it means to me in this world
yeah in this world
’cause i am due for a miracle
i’m waiting for a sign
i’ll stare straight into the sun
and i won’t close my eyes
’til i understand or go blind
i see the parts but not the whole
i study saints and scholars both
no perfect plan unfurls
do i trust my heart or just my mind
why is truth so hard to find in this world
yeah in this world
’cause i am due for a miracle
i’m waiting for a sign
i’ll stare straight into the sun
and i won’t close my eyes
’til i understand or go blind
i know that there’s a point I’ve missed
a shrine or stone i haven’t kissed
a scar that never graced my wrist
a mirror that hasn’t met my fist
but i can’t help feeling like i’m
due for a miracle
i’m waiting for a sign
i’ll stare straight into the sun
and i won’t close my eyes
Artist: Thrice
Album: The Artist in the Ambulance
Posted in Music | | | 0 Comments
The Isla Challenge Experience (Part 2)
October 1st, 2005 by themarksyndromeproject
Isla Challenge: Day two
ISLA CHALLENGE MODE
LYCEUM TO
ISLAND COVE
SEPTEMBER 24, 2005
DAY2
7:00A. M.
· I woke up alone in my bed (@room 113)… without the sunrise at my side… feeling stressed out with my work, studies, family life and love life for the past 3 months that i often tell God, "God naman, hirap na ako e. tulong naman dyan." i kept on asking Him, "God naman, anu ba message mo, what are You trying tell me?" …i hate my self and i want to die… but, I have to wake up… I’ve got a job to finish first… first things first: drink coffee! Frankly speaking, I’m still high on coffee, but finally off to bed. Coffee doesn’t seem to suit me well, since I’m feeling a funny buzz, my nerve circuit has gone haywire, and I have a slight headache. Oh well. I’m beginning to like the taste of coffee, so I guess that’s a good start. 
I rushed to xiang- li to have breakfast. As usual, “medyo bangag pa ako, kahit nkaligo na ako”. Not much to talk about during this time, but a lot of work to do… so I went directly to tejeros to finalize the things for the site, and giving reminders to my colleagues. Now starts a beautiful journey of what am I really capable of…
10:00A. M.
WEATHER: BAD (TOO MUCH RAIN)
· Well, what can I say? There are bad days, there are good days… and, there are good days, and then there are bad days… something like that. Just when the time the guests have finally arrived at Island Cove, it started to rain hard… Today, as luck would have had it, was a good day. And it’s just terrific, but eventually, it’s not. Now I feel we are doomed… the phobia of raining hard on the day of our event has come true. But hey, as they’ve said, the show must go on… and, this IS a challenge for all of us
· I went to the lobby to greet the guest a beautiful morning (as if it was really a beautiful morning), then I saw my friendly friends (Aries, Totski, Yuvi, Dan, Gianne and so much more), giving them a warm welcome, and thanking them for supporting my event. So I ushered them to the hall and telling them a brief info about what’s going to happen today. While waiting for the first speaker I really tried my best to mingle with the guest at the same time doing my work as the head of the logistics committee. Alas, here comes the speaker.
10:30A. M
THE MOST MEMORABLE TIME OF THE EVENT
· … As I set up MS. SEC. CYNTHIA CARREON’S laptop, and connecting it to the LCD, Goyen and Kristine tried their very best to delay the program, and entertain the guest (believe me, I’m feeling frustrated with it). It has taken me 20 minutes figuring out what seems to be the problem with the connector, and still no progress has been done. Then suddenly… out of nowhere, Sam offered us to give us an intermission number that we, the Isla challenge team, didn’t expect at all. He offered us to sing us a song while waiting for me (to fix the godd*mn LCD)… he told us that frankly, he’s not prepared for this song number (along was 2 cassette tapes of his choice…yeah right… he’s not prepared…really). So what I did was give the tape to Tina (she was a disc jockey at that time) and play his song number (never ever say goodbye). Everything went smoothly, I was concentrated with my work, and Sam was concentrated with his song… until… these words came out from Sam’s mouth…
“Pettina… this is for you…”
I didn’t know what I’ve felt that moment… maybe I’m envious ( I’m not jealous ok?!?)… I wished I had the guts to express my feelings for her. I may sound cheesy, but long time ago, (3 months to be exact) I planned to confess my feelings to her… I planned to give her a video, with me on it… saying how I feel about her… and singing her favorite song (I wish I was a great singer, you know…). But, I cancelled it (because we could never be together). Now I regret the moment I cancelled my plans for her… all because of one song for her
· I know from the start it was my entire fault. I am being honest; I never realized it would be THIS difficult. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I know I need to completely stop making any contact with her whatsoever, but I never realized it would be this tough. Reality really bites; the nice guy, as they say, finishes last… and maybe, I could find a way without her.
· I didn’t finish Sam’s song number. I walked out during the middle of the song. I’m still in the convention hall, I was afraid my tears would flow out… I just don’t want everyone to see me crying, thinking I was so touched with the song number. When I left the hall I lighted up a stick of cigarette ( in the middle of the rain ) and started crying just a little bit.
2:00 P. M.
· As everyone was preparing for the main event, (the isla challenge game) i went to Mr. Gaylord to double check the equipments for the games. I first check the spiderwebs for the obstacle course. I rent out 3 spiderwebs, 8 tires and a balance beam for the obstacle course. I also rented out these equipments: 1 golf club, 1 golf ball, and 3 megaphones. Next stop was to check the sites (game sites) if everything is ok. I gave my last minute reminders to Jhea (Logistics) and to the other facilitators of the challenges. I gave them their flags, and reminded them to proceed to the pavilion after the challenges (if they’re available). After that I went back to Mr. Gaylord to have an update to the game sites. He confirmed to me that the bowling arena was unavailable for us to use it (yeah, I saw some Chinese and Korean people using it). I panicked and contact Kristine about the situation of the bowling arena. I left them to discuss this matter (I’m too much affected with all the transactions minute after minute, I don’t want to hear about it anymore) and focus on my job. After finishing my tasks in the game site, I hurried to the pavilion to decorate the site.
· Time check: 5:00 P. M.; Gaylord and his crew was already there, preparing the tables for the buffet. I catch my breath first before starting my job. Gaylord ask me where to put the torches I ordered, and I told him to put it on center stage. 30 minutes later the gals ( Tina, Cath, Mhean, Lai, Ria, April and company) came to the site to help me decorate the place. We had some chit chats while working, to make the job entertaining. We finished decorating the site by 6: 45 P. M. (in record time)
7:00P. M.
· Dinner time was set, so I rushed to room 113 to take a quick bath, and go to the celebration party. When I entered the room, it was all jam- packed. Some of the guest (Chris, Jisette, Don, Jeffrey and company) were discussing their plans for the cheering competition, and I went to take a quick bath. After pampering myself, I went back to the Pavilion to have dinner, and mingle with Totski and the company (guest). After dinner comes the awarding night. I am amazed that almost all of my buddies won. Let’s see: Aries won a T- Shirt from island Cove, and his team won 1000 bucks (from the cheering competition), Totski won a mini T- Shirt from the raffle, and Yuvi won the paint canvass contest. After the awarding, came the celebration party. Yeah, I dance like hell. (Imagine dancing without music… yep, that’s the mark ysip dance!!!) my colleagues thought that I was high in ecstasy, but I’m not. I’m just rewarding myself for a job well done… and for having a successful event. (“,)
10:30P. M.
· I left the pavilion to begin the drinking session with the troops. We went out first from Island Cove to buy some drinks (and eventually, we end up paying double the price of our drinks, sh*t) then start with the session.
Here are my drinking stations:
- Room 226 ; 4grandmas and 4 pepsi fire & ice
- Room 204 ; 2 grandmas and earth & sky iced tea
- Room134 ; 1 vodka and coke 2liters (waived; she was there)
Itinerary for the night:
11:00P.M - @ room 134; contenders: Goyen, Edz, Sunshine, Kristine, Chris, Me, Pettina, Mark Bautista, Fria, Jm. Equipment: 1 vodka and coke 2liters. Description of the Event: at first I was beginning to feel the mood, because it was the first room I joined for the drinking session. I have to waive this room because of 2 reasons: one, because Pettina suddenly joined the session and two, 15minutes after Pettina went inside, Sam came in also.
Reaction to the event: “ p*tang*na naman, vodka na un e! iniwanan ko pa?!? naman… minsan ka lang uminom nun, umalis ka pa?!? para lang ba hindi ka ma o.p sa mga love teams kaya ka umalis? O dahil ba kasi pumasok si…..”
11:30P.M to 5:30A.M.. - @ room 204 and room 226; contenders: Juvi, Juvi’s BF, Gianne, Me, Appaulle, Jhea, Me, Eda, Mhean (room 204) ; Totski, Aris, Yuvi, Don, Jisette, Jeffrey, Charlotte, Me, Lyka, (room 226) Equipment: 2 grandmas and earth & sky iced tea (room 204), 4grandmas and 4 pepsi fire & ice (room 226). Description of the Event: some rooming assignment! This room is one of the major drinking site of the night… the mood here is ok, compare to the first room. This was my time to have bonding with some of my organizers. It’s a nonstop drinking night for me (til 5:30)
Reaction to the event: room 204 ( “eto na naman ako, medyo bangenge uli, tapos nagkkuwento na naman ng tungkol kay demonyo… di ko lang alam kung ano topak ko ngayon, kung nag ddrama ba ako o umiiwas lang ba ako na malaman nila ang totoong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Tapos eto maraming mga jokes si apol kaya hindi ko malaman kung paano ako tatawa… at marami ring kwento na nalaman ko, at mga bagay na ngayon ko lang nalaman” )
Room 226 (“ haay, tang*na saying hindi kumpleto ang tropa, pero hayaan mo na, ok na to kesa walang pumunta di ba? Yun. Nagulat talaga ako kasi hindi ko inaasahan na si dan e pupunta sa event ko. Tapos eto, as usual ang tropa handang handa sa gabing ito, talagang nagdala pa ng sound system, at may sub woofer pa… san ka pa?!? tapos ayun, bonding time sa mga bagong kalahok, sina Jeffrey at iba pa. kwentuhan lang at syempre, dramahan. Wala e, sa palipat- lipat ko ng rooming assignments ko sa inuman, ayun, di ko talaga maiwasan magdrama tungkol sa naramdaman ko kanina nung kumanta si Sam… sinabi ko lang kina tots na hindi ako ngseselos dahil dun, una, wala naman kasi akong karapatan, atsaka talagang nainggit lang ako, buti pa sya, naipadama nya kay pite ung feelings nya, hindi sya nagdalawang isip, di tulad ko.. AMBOBO KO TANG*INA!!! )
· Too much damage has been done today… need to sleep…. Im so much fu**ing wasted tonight…. I just can’t forget what happened earlier this morning…… (time check: 5:30A.M)
“Live out of your imagination, not your history”
- The
Island Cove Experience
<<<to be continued>>>
-themarksyndromeproject
Posted in marksyndrome | | | 2 Comments
