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MARKSYNDROME EMOVIOLENCE MODE VER.1
August 29th, 2005 by themarksyndromeproject
SUBJECT: MARKSYNDROME EMOVIOLENCE MODE VER.1
NOTICE: emoviolence mode is straight to the point, no blind items, no renaming people, blah blah blah…I don’t care whether she or her friends would say about this…after all, this is how I feel….you wouldn’t understand how I feel…..
"Kore ijou ittemo shou ga nai."
(There’s no point in talking about it any more.)
-marksyndromeproject
11:24P.M.
First of all, this topic and message is so, so late…
For her
Um, as the quote says… there’s no point in talking about it anymore, but… I must.
Been a long while since emoboy (me) has awakened… after ruining my birthday (feb.12), wasting myself and all that… Everything changed.
I don’t believe in destiny anymore
I hate couples (except whom I know)
I can’t concentrate well during classes
I just wasted so much time and opportunities
I have to end all of this now.
6 months has passed by, and I just hate this feeling of thinking about it over and over and over…
the time I always look back at things…saying,” why did this happen?", "where did i go wrong?”,” if only I could…" , and so on…
I’m so fed up to this attitude…so tiring… I’m so fucked up
I hate to admit it, but I experienced the " I hate her and love her at the same time" feeling….man, I told you, I feel like a jerk, still hoping and waiting for the chance to be with her again while being angry to her for everything… which is obviously, IMPOSSIBLE!!!!
Why?
Reason one: she has a boyfriend right now
Reason two: she doesn’t love me anymore
Reason three: after what happened to me…. no way!!!
I tried to move on after what happened at my birthday… I did move on…unfortunately, just a little bit…but, it’s better rather than none, right? yep, I made a couple of trip around the Phil. ( puerto galera, laguna, pampanga…), I’ve become Battle axe advance in my gunbound game, I’ve become an animaniac once again( watching ranma, initial d, naruto and bleach series), I’ve met new friends, got a lot of planning in my music life more…blahblahblah….fuck! I’m not bragging about it! These are not achievements yet, they’re just therapies to forget the past… but it still leaves me empty
You know what’s the best thing I did to relieve myself?
(see pic above)
aiza gave this pillow… now it’s just a piece of worthless junk
I destroyed something that was once so precious to me.. Yes, it was my ex’s gift…it was one of the few memories she left to me. Every time i look into this pillow, I cry and wish and hope that she would come back to me, before it was torn into pieces
It simply means I’ve given up hope
I don’t want this feeling anymore… so i must choose between the 2, to love her even more when it’s over… or hate her
Since it’s your birthday today….here,
I HATE YOU MA. GLORIZA SAGAYNO, not because of what you did to me, I hate you for being selfish. I don’t have to explain why, I don’t need to defend your side, and I don’t care about it now. I’m not letting you go because to prove that I really love you (I did, but you just didn’t pay attention to it), but I’m letting go because I just can’t bear the pain….I don’t have regrets, I never did, I never doubted you… I just hate you, I want to forget you, destroy al the memories about us, all the fairy tale moments, all that you have given to me. I can’t be sentimental at this time; it’s not even worth it. If I won’t do this, it would just hurt me more and more…
- I can’t even consider you as a friend. You’re not worth it.
I wish I had listened to them, what they say about you…
I feel sorry to myself that I believed in you so much.. Defended you from my friends.. Loved you in a way that nothing is left for myself…I really do
I can’t wish you the best… I know, you moved on months ago… I know, because you won over me… I know, I am the sore loser right? I know…. all I can do is pity you
You just don’t know how to love… you are just experiencing it. You just think of yourself, thinking what would make you happy, would do everything for you and crap. You’re just being a spoiled brat. You just told me if I had a chance, but you didn’t give me the so called "chance". You just don’t know the meaning of it.
You wanted me to stop not because you are not ready for a relationship, and it might take long for you to have one…wow….it’s pure bullshit. You had one, 2 days old before my birthday came, a new boyfriend
You just lied…as always. but I’m still thankful to you, i would have been worst if what you said at my birthday came sooner… I would have hated you even better…like hell, but
It won’t change
I hate you so much
If you think this message is all bad, sue me.
This is reality
I’m not that bad, maybe you are. I have forgiven you, but it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten it, that’s why I hated you up to now…
I post this not to blame you for everything happened between the 2 of us, I’m not bias, this just ain’t the perfect moment to tell your good side…and thanking for that…
Plus,
I know my mistakes; it’s just that yours is bigger. I want to tell you your mistakes a long time ago, but I didn’t have the guts to tell you, that’s why I’m telling it now (so late). I’m not backstabbing you… that’s why i also hope you could read this; I just want wanted to tell you how I feel after my bday… and up to now. I just want you to realize what you have done with me
Sorry won’t help us now
And also, it’s too late to say it,
And I’m not expecting you to say it
I know you won’t
This could be my last message for you
Lucky me, I still find time to make this
I don’t care if you would post your comment after this, hate me, damn me, whatsoever…
I just have to express my feelings, as usual
The only difference is…
This time, it’s all negative
Message address to you, aiza….
i hope karma doesn’t strike you fast
After this… I could say now that I have moved on
No more Mr. nice guy syndrome
I hope we’re even
I would find a way without you….
That, I promise
’til then
-themarksyndromeproject
Posted in marksyndrome | | | 2 Comments
When Will The Dark Age Ever Stop?!? (Part 2)
August 11th, 2005 by themarksyndromeproject
“Okagesama de
yoku narimashita.” (Thanks to your help,
I have gotten better.)
Let’s see…it’s 5:45 P.M … after 68 days of living without a pc (and internet)…
FUCK!!! Finally… I’m back on business
Whew!
I missed my pc so much… the dark age finally stopped…. I Feel rejuvenated when finally… a new processor was installed in my pc… I have upgraded my life(2600+) and its now working smoothly…. I consider this day 1 one greatest things that occurred in my life… no more staying all night to my best friend’s house just to use his pc… no more spending on internet shops… no more worries about the world…just me, and my pc… creating a world of its own…sharing my love and knowledge to all of you… splendid, isn’t it?
“Hehehe ambabaw di ba? Pake mo ba?!? Namiss ko cya e”
^^,
Themarksyndromeproject
Posted in Current Affairs | | | 0 Comments
