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Tonight, Something Special Happened to Me
July 29th, 2005 by themarksyndromeproject
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down"
-themarksyndromeproject
1:05A.M
July 29, 2005
… with 7 sticks of cigarettes… while drinking without music… i happen to came out with these lines:
How can I tell her how much I love her… when she’s in love with someone else? Deep inside my heart, I always tell myself… she could be the one for me… but why did I came late in your life? Is it really God’s will to be like this… or is it just my fault for coming into your life? Life just isn’t fair… just when the time comes that I’m finally ready to forget the past… you came into my life… in just a blink away. Now I feel that my ol’ self is coming out on it’s grave… those days that I was such a fool who keeps falling in love, in every minute that passes by… I just can’t help but to see your smile.
You know… I need you, but you’re so far away. It seems that I can’t let you go this time. I know it’s wrong to fall for you… but what can I do? I just didn’t mean to be this way, and I just need you so. Every moment I looked at you, my heart just burst with agony… thinking,” If only I could be a part of your heart…”. Telling myself if I should wait for you… saying, “ if I should fall for you even more as the day goes by… taking all the risks just to fight for what I believe is right, but it’s not. All I can do for now is just look at you… and wait. I just don’t know what to do, if the time comes that you’re not right here beside me.
I didn’t know why you were special to me… maybe it’s in your eyes, or maybe your sweet smile… all I know, every time i see your face, I know I won’t be lonely just as long as you stand by me… but for how long will I wait just to let you know how deeply I love you? GOD, please help me… don’t make me tired of waiting. I don’t want to be with her only in my dreams… my heart just keeps bleeding for you.
If you could only hear what my heart beats for you…."
I stopped writing for awhile… I now feel the drowsiness coming from the alcohol content I was drinking… I can’t help but to think of her. What have I done to deserve all of this? I think I love her at the wrong moment….
I’m falling for you **t***a… I don’t know how to stop it.
(to be continued)
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